Monday, May 25, 2009


Hawaii , originally uploaded by Ducky Doc.

Realizing I should be blogging about things like the wedding, the honeymoon, or graduation I am going to go a completely different direction.
For around a week now the sunset here in Kentucky has made me cry. Sunsets in Kentucky are absolutely breathtaking; I love them. I’ve travelled a lot, and never seen one even close. The crying isn’t from majestic beauty, it’s from sadness/stress/being a pessimist. All the beautiful sunsets recently, usually something that brings me great joy have embodied an end to another day to me. Another day gone, another day closer to an end. This end is one which will take me 6 hours from all that is familiar to me. Not only all that is familiar, but all that is comfortable. I lay in bed or sit on the couch and wish for the day to never end so that the next won’t begin.
I want to be around for everything. I want to see what little “Boy Parasite” looks like, as I know he will be perfect. I want to help my future sister-in-law hand stamp her wedding invitations. I want to be there to post bond when a family medicine resident strangles another with her stethoscope. I want to be able to drive to Harrodsburg on short notice to escort people to the doctor. I want to go out for a drink when someone delivers her first set of triplets. I want to be here when someone comes home to visit her aunt, or someone comes home to visit his sister and niece.
I want I want I want.
I suddenly realized on the way home tonight that I was concentrating on the wrong natural phenomenon. Around 9 hours later is sunrise. A new beginning; admittedly one that is much earlier than I like to be awake.
I will I will I will.
I will be a doctor, I will be a Radiologist. I will be in a program that allows me to be a real human being (after intern year.) I will be with my wonderful husband. I will not be in an apartment. I will get to meet many new people. There will be corn and soybeans and Lincoln and corn…… Okay, so I’m stretching, but there will be lots of wonderful things I am sure. I am going to try to stop moping and pay attention while I am still here. It’s a small world, after all there is always facebook ;)